Mirror Mysteries

Living With Mosaic Downs Syndrome [ M.D.S. ] Being me Speaking & from the Heart.

Living With Mosaic Downs Syndrome [ M.D.S. ] and Continuing To Live Life

Music:  2Pac“Until The End Of Time” Mood: ” Not sure yet ”

Within hard times, there’s are good lines, bad times middle lines hands together either soft, rough, like paper, or sand.   The Temptation of so much will always have an effect on your heart, and pride. Alas for family friends, relationships people are people none-the-less know one can ever really change that. Keeping myself in touch with life lessons, harsh or easy. There’s somethings that continue to keep me interested. 

Love

Hate

Confusion

Accountability

Pride

Respect 

Responsibility

Empathy [I have a real love&hate relationship with this emotion]

Seven things that always put me back into my body, and place. I’m a writer,  and I love it. If I didn’t write things down, I dont know where I’d be, and without want to finding pure empathy. I believe “Empathy” is a series of very small events. Not even a middle line, and with  my pride talking if I were to ever leave behind me a legacy of something to be title anything…. It would be “only empathy can judge me”. A scarce thing that know one can ever see without letting go of things in their lives, and stripping emotions down to who they really are

Who’s the person who lives a life of luxury that has everything, handed down, when wanting something always getting it, feeling like the center of the world.

Who’s the person who works so hard,  knows what not they want but need, and solid in getting what they want without complaint, feeling like it is so hard to ask for help. 

Who are these people? I have no idea, but I can tell you life is a hazy maze. I just turned around and saw a squirrel balancing it’s self on a electric wire.  How do you do that?!? Balance. I love that definition in all it’s forms. Would you try and balance yourself on something so dangerous as a electric wire, [ the strongest wire ] without fear?  What do you have to loose, and what do you have to gain? And would you prove it to the person who love or yourself. You can not choose both it’s A OR B in that last one. There’s only color when you mix emotions. Set those aside, and just answer dont think twice, your first answer is YOUR answer. I can tell you my answers! [ I believe I’m done falling ]

And I just want to walk a straight line, without anymore’ pain in a world with a real solid line empathy and not look Up / Down - Left or Right.

Living With Mosaic Downs Syndrome [ M.D.S. ] and Communication 

Music: Elisa “Dancing” Mood: Complacent

You know, when a person like myself. Gets started on a subject - I get slightly wired! Until I get it all out, and tghis is perfect considering “Communication” is a daily thing in life in general; channeling myself to another can be only a chellengte when I gget ahead of myself. I feel, that the literal definition of selflessness is prime for not just me, but for everyone out there. 

I could have run forever on my emotions, with my MDS, without acknowledging things that were killing my spirit annd the people around me [figuratively speaking]. No matter who you are, oppne time or another you’re going to have top look at yourself, and realize what you put out. The directions you have in habit, in conversation on a subconscious level. Everyone has it! Sure. But what are you trying to do with your skills to talk/communicate/chat/chit-chatting/shoot-the breeze with when you open your mouth in a very vast generalization. And I know, I’m very analytical person by nature, annd I’m starting to know when I dont know my strength when I have passion into something, when I feel weak, when I feel strong, prideful, and even feeling like I’m at my limit with myself.  And finding the parallels on topic in typiocal conversation is what makes for great Q&A conversation. So, my recommendation for all [in my perception, might be different] 

1. Above all, be selfless
   
2. Stay on topic,
   
3. When in doubt listen
4. Acknowledgment to all apart stemmed in branches of discussion 
5. Never forget who you are talking to [ this is important, and gives maturity and a good sense of responsibility as individuals first]
   
6. Never let anyone tell you how to think./feel/or what to believe [ this is your key to any topic to stand your ground ] 
7. Acknowledge belief systems/structures and emotions that may be apart of that particular topic. 
8. And always remember to respect each-other
9. Never manipulate/twist the truth/facts about things [ this is a very selfish thing and can get heated when my put in to check! This holds even yourself accountable ]

These are just my way of things, they are not for everyone, but this is how I conceive to be a mature conversation time and being an adult about it all. Holding everything accountable, and keeping your habits active when you speak. Freedom oof speach is very important, but being flighty when you talk to anyone can leave space in-between people, and it is left with harsh emotions and can be the death of friendships!!  And relationships in general. It’s like dancing, lead each-other lead and switch roles and keep it solid, in a beautiful and unique twists and turns in the greatest dances of all time [talking]!!  

Living With Mosaic Downs Syndrome [ M.D.S. ] and getting over depression

Music:Rihanna “Umbrella” Mood: I’m a cool cat!

Now, aside from the personal life from this artist I’m making this a entry, ’cause I guess I wanted to share how I got a bit of it all. See, my music is my arsenal!!! And what I listen can in effect my mood. It never over comes me; only I do that to myself, but there’s a few artists/musicians and such that has helped me… Yes, it’s still me…How, I channel things is the very thing that is different is my daily environment. Very much a lifestyle change, yet if there’s a track. That has helped me in a way to want to help more, and still get good attitude with and a great beat. I’ve never liked jay-z [ Respect for 2pac forever] Yet, Rihanna! Yes. Have audio-visual entry from yours truly 

 

Living With Mosaic Downs Syndrome [ M.D.S. ] in the world of our current status in our economy.

Music: Kanye West “Heartless” Mood: [hot]

I’m so happy, I’m me. would not have it any other way! though, I have trouble with things. Things that I can wish were different in my youth, that my adulthood was different, and what I create. I adore my son, my people, the family I know I have in all it’s forms. Every last person, I love! I’m good with money, actually I live off 90$ dollars a week. I’ve made it thus far with just that to work with. The trouble, I have is how much I work no matter what I do [and this is my issue really] I’ll never be/live up to my capacity not thinking of what people think I’m good for, talking to me feeling sorry for me in some way with pity/sympathy/or the  precious empathy I search for constantly. My wish is for this world existed without those words, and what they mean. 

Conducting my own orchestra here…. You’ll never met someone as strong as me never ! You’ll never know someone so romantic, hard-working, loyal, endearing, poetic, positive in a ideal realist way, great father,  unique person, and really a person that has a very big uncontrollable selfless heart!  And none of that has anything to do with how much in the toilet America is. My heart breaks when I know I put a certain part of me into something and It’s unbalanced. Now right now, practically everything is balance, I thrive on it. I have a passion for balance, but my biggest trouble? Money. 

And I dont have a lot of it at all. I’m so very happy, I have the feeling of sanctuary in when I write. This is a freelance blogging site, and to be very honest my biggest and only profit is helping others, Showing in discriminative stereotypes, and such are with something attached to something born around a “syndrome” I dont feel sorry for myself, nor do I feel sad in any way because I have literal facts  of me being very much a great father!!! I stayed with him, he was fussy a little, screamed at night, went to the Doctors, and I made him laugh so he could be so very happy.  Right now, I dont want anyone’s pity, sympathy, or empathy. Who am I really?  a “fighter” It took me along time to realize this but, this is not for me. Yes I get it out!!!! I really do. And know one can stop me.

And I will fight for my right to live equal to others. I am a human being, and I heal, and hurt the same. I love and hate the same.  All I want to do is to feel free and I know I’m really in the right way of it. In every aspect of my life. I’ve never been so solid in my life, that is the only direction I really worry about, “money”. 

I guess, from everything I do from being a selfless person. Is for one day for it all to pay off. I want to be “loved” in the same way the idea of “peace” is to some people. And I dont know if I want to cry or not. Weird.   

 

Mosaic Down Syndrome/Loving & Caring.

Music: Within Temptation “All I Need” Mood: “Grrr, I am ninja - and I have staring contest… Oh, I lost! MASTER you teach lies! “

You know there’s a full line on what love is, may be:

could be // would be  // should be

Love is such a powerful thing, I and I am it’s predator, and it can be my prey! I’ll admit to it. Yet, love can’t be bent. It can’t be made without being slightly lost into it only at first. This is I believe how you know you’re loving someone. Family member, Friend [can happen] Pet, or for some there Adidas packback, that matches there  lime green IPhone!! Ummm. Okay well, as love as you love it!  I dare not tare you from it. I may not understand it, but I dare not tear you away.

It’s almost always a little bit of a guessing game when you love something/someone. Where you love it, how you challenge yourself, and your other person with the lime green things IPhone…  Love does not discriminate,  and I know what that feels like but does not show you who you should love either. A small amount or a large love is always there love I believe is a guide, something like how others would believe “god” is. Yet, I have a face for my love for you. And I can honestly tell you it looks like a million smiles, blushing cheeks, you can hear it with laughter to it’s fullest,  you can feel it with endless  hugs/holding each-other constant  And you can smell it when  you hold your person, and take in the natural musk they project  [no matter the person]. I believe everyone has a signature smell to them morning, noon, night shower or non — Don’t deny the smell of morning scents!!! muahahah.

And you take all of that and you not build at first, you just put it together piece by piece. And honestly I believe love challenges you, and it lets you know you’re doing the right thing. Yet, never lie about love that right there will make you sick! Stay true to your heart keep our self open, know what you are doing. When you’re spinning inlove and all you can feel that that — this is what the adventure feels like; and the devils advocate of that is if you dont catch yourself find your footing, your balance, you directions, know what you want to channel that craziness into [and it can be crazy when you dont see what you are doing to your self]. And you have to hold your self accountable for it all! What you do, loving each-other means you’re devoting your emotional spectrum to each-other. And you can correct only one emotion at a time and feel what, and how it’s makes your direction in zig-zags, and your organize yourself to the best of your abilities stay solid for yourself, and the people you care and love than you are in fact in-love.  That other person can not correct your emotions, they can help, but it is YOU that has to do it. Because they are your emotions.  No lying, no disrespect, no hiding, continue to communicate and I love this advice!! If you ever have the opportunity to speak out of anger, STOP! And just say as frustrated as you can and start something…. [good advice here,  not originating from me] I LOVE YOU MORE!! Don’t hide what you feel, but dont stop! …. “You know what, I friggen LOVE you” Be strong, for your self in those moments. Dont loose yourself, and keep on loving. These are all apart of the emotional tools to help. I can’t fix anyone but myself, but I you know my dear I know for a fact that I am a great friggen helper! I am selfless to the people I care and love, and I am selfish to myself to strength to hold me together, and I know I have a huge heart, I am a romantic, I am a great-friend, I am loyal, and I am a damn good person; I know it because of the actions in my life and well I’m a good-looking too [smirks]I simply ask for the respect for my decisions as a man, and a individual [this is yet again, how I create all equal - holding all accountable, and I do it because I love you all. Here’s my twist for you — I AM stronger than you think!

No matter who it is: I ASK  - Please, DON’T DEGRADE MY DECISIONS in anyway that is NOT FAIR TO ME, OR the ones I CARE, and LOVE. Because when you do that to get my reaction in your decision to take my time away from them to answer you [who ever you are]. This can distort genuine truth for even a second and using my ability to love against me in that second to whatever benefit your statement/s completely twists truth. and that very second is the extreme definition of:

Manipulation. [this definition doesn’t discriminate either, and I know what that feels like]

I felt these seconds for awhile, and they in time will heal, and I’ll do that myself but the people that aren’t with me equally caring/loving “I’m sorry”.  I’m also smarter than you think! Know one taught this to me, this has been something I’ve been doing for a lifetime - so read well. Because I am very proud of myself in this entry!!  You know I dont like walking away from people, I’ve done it to much in my life, and I’m better than that situation. I wouldn’t be me, if I didn’t say any of this — I say what I will never to leave anything out, and I know I speak from the heart. And I’m talking about the future, I’m really talking about love — there’s a difference! and love has been very, very dear to me.  And I will protect myself on who I love. And I love my family, the people who’ve helped me, the little amounts of friends that has infact help me and I say it loud and proud! I love my dear. Love is not a weapon, it is a tool for life.  And that felt good to finally write about, I choke more when I talk to people…. writing is my sanctuary, it is where I find my strength.

Love helps heal your self to feel free and strong at the same time weightless.

[I know this all to well]

Hate helps you create walls that are very strong and at the same time hurts.

[I know this all to well]

 

Music: Bone Thugs ‘ n’ Harmony w/ Phil Collins - Home

Mood: Oh yeah! I’m cool, I re-found that song! 

You know no matter if my videos to help every one with apart of IMDSA in some sort, I have great pride in what I was born with. This makes me grow with strength, I know only a few that I know I can fully trust along with me. [there’s  apart of my trust issue]. And I am number ONE!! Know one can give me what I’ve given to myself and what I have done for my self this last year, and I feel I’m ready for so much! I’ve done so much not only this last year but my full 29 1/2 long years of my life. All of this is my therapy - I love helping people. Is always been a thing, for me I guess.

I understand protection, on all sides of the spectrum; what I dont understand is keeping things from others trying to “protect” and not sharing all the facts. Whether this happened to me, I honestly dont think it did, I really HOPE it didn’tconsidering this isn’t protecting anyone but keeping honesty education, and awareness away from people - this is what Kristy, and  everyone here in the IMDSA has taught me. I pride myself on my honesty. I love my family! I’m, so very proud of my sons’ mother. So very proud to have her in my life, [yes, that is a literal fact and I wont apologies for it either  - And I’m  not loosing my head. I’m being very strong, and smart]. Now have my family; my full family with me! I loose no sleep. No-one, for the fact that should have to dwell on what others think about them  I am having a moment of “hope” that everything will be great for all the future, and the past wasn’t done in vain. Here’s my current thing, I’m not in a cave or anything; I made mistakes. so had everyone else. Everyone has abilities to see the world in their own way, I love the general facts that everyone has symmetrical ways in parallel differences to eachother but I believe that everyone has the same type of abilities, which still renders us ALL equal. We all cry, bleed, bruise, hurt, and everything else between the same way. 

It’s what you do after all of it is what really defines you!! And this gives me real solid, and great pride in who I am as a man.  I am not proud of certain things and I acknowledge them but I regret nothing, end of story. I am who I am, and I love myself because of it all. I adore my son, but this entry is about a proud father! In all of his sons’ life. I personally couldn’t ask for anything better. And I’ll put up a fight for who I love, for all of them. Pride keeps honesty out, in all it’s forms. I was a very emotional person at one point yes this is sooooooooo every true. Do you really want my last of that sentence…. ?? 

I’m only human, and I’m not scared like I once was. Honesty puts everyone accountable! and we’re all equal again.

Mood: Complacent

Music: Utada Hikaru - Colors

You know as a person living with Mosaic Downs Syndrome; for along time I called it my curse! If you know me, you’ll realize that would not surprise you.  I sit this morning, in-front of my computer, drinking  my [still Starbucks Coffee] With my baby carrots. With a smile in place that

1. I’ve never had.
2. I always wanted and will fight my hardest to forever keep it in place.
3. Still Wondering [in a healthy worry] about the future.
4. And very thankful for my friends and [yes, I can’t believe I have them but I suppose I do -do I really[?]- ] fans!  “I’ll really keep my head on in that” it amazes me.
5. last but not lest — very, very happy I can help reflect in my thoughts and help [EVERYONE] Every last person around me. [  I Thank & Love All Of you!! ]

I’m very much a selfless person by nature, and I just know in midst of my coffee, and carrots fixing my apart up a bit, and got my introduction video [I’m so very proud of it] done.   I mean, I hung up a very famous image, photograp framed picture my gramother of my fathers side did. If your ever in Oregon, ad want a great reasort, to relax, and have good family fun bno mattter thw weather… Black Butte is the place for anyone.

Yet the grief that IS attached, has been to me for quite awhile. And to be honest with you, I dont use that emotional tool, as thing to have the need to get under anyone skin… This was never my choice! I was put there, god put me there [I still argue with religion a bit, yet — I just dont know; wont justify either] My beliefs are combining narrative grief that has only a corner that I knew and still do how to channel… the way I see it [if there is one] God broke all the rules when he made ME!!

I don’t profess religion, but of life in general. Remember to live it!! Stop and see not what you have but what  you can do with what you have!!  I earned much, and got all of what I have in my apartment. And I’ve come a long way. So here, I am loving life open as a book, still the protective casey that can give out quirky sometimes silly, obnoxious jokes. I just want to let everyone know. remember to live! Dont be to consumed with what you own, but how to got it all!! I know I do.